Happy Friday!
I’m on my little birthday vacation, but I wanted to make sure I still sent you a little something something! On our lil Substack exclusive pod, Hey Everybody, I’m talking about the birthday photos I took, and what it means to redefine and reclaim standards of beauty. I, like many folx, spent much of my life comparing my looks to European standards. Told that if I didn’t look like the white boys of Hollywood that I wasn’t attractive. It has been a painful road to shaking off those lies, and finding power in the various versions of my body that I’ve inhabited. About nine years ago, I wrote on a post-it that I kept on my mirror (which now lives by my desk): Brandon, I love you as you are. And you are whole. Now breathe and go forth. I would read it everyday until I was able to adopt it as law.
I’ve been overwhelmed by the responses of my birthday shoot, and grateful for all the kind messages (and thirsty ones.) But ultimately the shots for me weren’t about creating thirst traps, they were about making a declaration through art about what beauty is. Or what it should be? Could be? A few years back I did an interview with one of my dear friends, Chinaza Uche, an incredible actor, and a straight Black man. We discussed how the word “beautiful” is so rarely attributed to Black male bodies. And how healing it is to hear it. That there’s a softness in the word “beautiful” that those who don’t fit into the white, skinny/lean box aren’t always able to experience. Often our bodies are “exotic”, fetishized, ridiculed for not being the problematic idealized standard. I believe the word “beautiful” is far more expansive than our culture allows it to be. It belongs to people of all types. But the reality is, the world may never give it to you. That doesn’t mean you can’t take it! If you take nothing else away from this week’s episode, please OWN YOUR BEAUTY! Don’t let these fuckers who are only trying to sell you products and fantasies that make them feel powerful, keep lying to you. As you are right now, you are beautiful, and you deserve to feel that!
At the end of this post, I’ve put some additional photos behind the paywall. There is full frontal nudity, BUT it’s censored, or cropped. Like I said earlier this week, I know this is your email honey! However, I do hope you enjoy!
Also including some clips from the last two episodes of Tell Me Something Messy! With
we discussed her being mixed, and both of us being in interracial relationships with white partners! With Trace Lysette we discussed redefining happiness when romantic pursuits don’t seem to be in the cards.Thank you for being here, and for making this first year on Substack so wildly liberating! And just in case you haven’t heard it yet today, you are so deeply loved! I love you!
To love yourself right now, just as you are, is to give yourself heaven. Don’t wait until you die. If you wait, you die now. If you love, you live now.-Alan Cohen
Your body is not an apology. It is not something to be quiet about ashamed of, or made smaller. It is your home, your ally, your truth.- Sonya Renee Taylor
I love being Black. I love the color of my skin. It is the color of strength, resilience, and beauty. -Viola Davis
My queerness is not a tragedy. It’s a victory-a daily celebration of self. -Alok Vaid-Menon
Tell Me Something Messy clips:
Latest Episodes of Tell Me Something Messy:
Messy Music Mix:
Birthday Photo Shoot continued, by Travis Chantar:
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