we are all we got

how are my American heauxz doin?

Nov 08, 2024

Article voiceover

1×

0:00

-7:40

Hi angel, how you holding up? If you’re an American heaux, I know that this week delivered a severe blow. I’m still reeling and processing myself. I was going to wait until I had the “right” thing to say before posting anything, but messy is what we do here. And there will be time to continue unpacking and speaking. In fact if anything has been made clear, it’s that there is a need to speak and unpack and address the root of our country’s damage. Our country’s history.

I am not surprised by the outcome but certainly in shock. It’s sobering. I know where I live, and I know the violent shortcomings of it, but of course I cling to hope that we are changing and growing and shifting and moving towards something better. Being better. And while that’s still true, the gap to bridge is wide as fuck. I want to scream, I want to throw shit, I want to crawl into a hole and weep. And I will do all those things, but I will also roll my sleeves up and fight for my rights and yours. On Monday morning, I took myself on my usual walk; no cellphone, no music, just me and my thoughts. A way to connect with myself (and my grandmother’s spirit). I recalled the movie Paris is Burning, a film that documents the ball scene in New York in the late eighties.

What strikes me every time I watch it is how young the protagonists are, and yet how unapologetically themselves they are. Their fearlessness, their boldness, their courage in a world that was adamantly against them paved a path for this generation to have Substacks, podcasts, tv shows, movies, and careers where we get to be our Black queer selves loudly and with a level of safety they dreamed of.

That safety is not everywhere, and certainly after Tuesday it’s in jeopardy everywhere, but what a privilege to stand on their shoulders. What a privilege to be able to shine so brightly because of the light they gave us. There are many elders and ancestors who have sacrificed for a better tomorrow. Tomorrow is here, and though it’s not perfect, it’s something. It’s something to be worked with. Something to engage with. Something to fight with. Something to dismantle and build new.

In my despair, I wrestle to keep hope on my chest. But I will keep it there. I will wear my heart on my sleeve, and continue to love myself and others. I will be loud and proud about who I am.

As I put on my pro-hoodie this morning, I remembered that in its inception, it was intended to be a way to celebrate queerness, transness, Blackness, heauxness, intersectionalityness. But now, it is a radical declaration of my beliefs and why I will stay in the arena of this fight. A signal to anyone who I encounter that I have no intention of going back into a closet. No intention of hiding myself. No intention of quieting myself. I’m a New York girlie, so I’ll fight. Okaaaaay?! Also a signal to those who share these beliefs, that I am a safe-space. Be yourself around me! Be free! Let’s fight together.

How to fight is a longer conversation. Some of the usual tools feel like they might be outdated. Or perhaps need to be updated. But I’m willing to fight imperfectly. Willing to try shit and “fail” in order to gain useful data that can be used to forge actual change instead of a facade. Systemic change instead of a band-aid.

As a Black queer person, in an interracial gay marriage, born into an immigrant household led by Caribbean Black women, I’m not surprised by the results. I probably expected it more than I’d like to admit. But I’m reared to push back. I’m reared to create a way forward even when it looks like there’s no way. To lean on and nurture my community. To love in spite of it all.

This c’heauxmmunity began calling me Messy Mom a few years ago (a name I cherish) and I have to say, the mother in me has awakened fiercely. I will protect those I love. And I love you. Whether we know each other is irrelevant. We are each other. And the only way we make it through this thing is together. So that’s what we shall do.

This week on the pod, my husband joins me for a discussion on polyamory and non-monogamy. We recorded it months ago, and in some ways it feels appropriate that it was scheduled to air this week because I’m only going to get queerer, and Blacker, and non-binarier! I’m only going to get louder about who I am and who I love. I’m only going to keep being me, and I want you to do the same.

Cry, scream, grieve, rest, but do not retreat. There are people in those red states who are even more vulnerable than you might be. There are communities that might be far more vulnerable than the one you’re in. This isn’t about playing the oppression olympics, but more so acknowledging that if you have the capacity to show up and be a safe space for someone else, please do it. If you have the capacity to speak, then do it as loudly as you can. If you have the capacity for joy, then share it with others. We are all we got.

if something i’ve shared resonates, share it with a messy bestie.

While recording a different episode yesterday, I decided to also record my thoughts on the election that you can hear at the end today’s episode. You can also check out the video below. If you would like your own Pro-hoodie, they are available for purchase until Sunday. Below are also some videos and things that brought me comfort.

This is tough. Tragic. Heartbreaking. There’s no denying that. But I find my hope in the continued openness of your heart. I find hope when I look into the eyes of those I love. I find hope in the blood of my grandmother that runs through me. I find hope in my elders and ancestors who believed better was possible. In their honor, I will fight so their belief is not in vain. I owe them that much. We owe each other that much. I love you. We are here and we will get through.