shout out to the little booties!
cuz we need love too!
Last weekend I showed up at my bestie’s apartment ready for one of those gay warehouse nights, where the party doesn’t start til Midnight and goes until 6am. Yes honey, the gays are unhinged! But as a secret night owl, I enjoy those vibes, from time to time. Especially as Summer approaches. But if I am not out of my house by 10, girl, I won’t be attending nothing but my bed. So bestie and I made plans to pre-game at his.
Note that our version of “pre-gaming” is one drink, pulling tarot cards, and writing down intentions for our evening while Amber Mark serenades us in the background. So I showed up at his place at 10pm sharp, wearing my usual warehouse party outfit; crop top, light blue jeans, old paid of Air Forces. Listen I’m a fashion girlie when I wanna be, but I ain’t tryna impress nobody at party that starts in the ass crack of the night. Plus the crop top is coming off within the first hour so I’m not wasting time laboring over a lewk. Also, have you been to those warehouses? It’s never giving luxury. Ya know? It’s giving, abandoned. And I’m not looking cute for nothing abandoned. Or rather, I’m not looking TOO cute. I’m wearing something I can sweat in, and honestly something that if it gets spilled or stepped on, won’t cause me to spiral out into a panic.
Bestie headed into the kitchen to make us drinks, and I stood right outside the doorway where the speaker was to change the song. Then I heard him say, “Baby, that ass!” Wow, let me take a moment. The volume, tone, and resonance with which he said it, was a prayer answered. I know I wrote about this sometime last year, but I have been on a mission to grow my ass for years. In 2023 I went to Palm Springs with a few besties, and we were talking about asses, and the general consensus was that my booty was little! Now coming from my Black besties, I’m okay. As I’ve said, my family has a lot of great features, but the asses are small. But two of the besties are white boys, and they have asses worthy of OnlyFans. So for them to be in agreement launched my villain era. I refused to be dragged like this. Did I mention it was my birthday weekend?! Besties didn’t give a fuck. They could have lied, and said “babe, did you get a BBL cuz no way that’s all yours!” But I guess I value honesty, blah, blah, blah. So for the last two years I have been squatting, stair steppering, deadlifting, box jumping, lunging, etc. so when bestie said, “Baby, that ass!” my heart swelled, cheeks got rosy, and I felt so accomplished.
But let me be real,—yes my ass has grown, and perhaps fills out my jeans more, but it’s still the smallest in the group. It’s not one that will stop you in your tracks (unless I’m in a jock strap, all fours, arched back—-baby that’ll make you wanna do something. lol)
All day as I scroll on the various timelines, there are asses that can only be described as God Given. And God did not bless me with such gifts. She (cuz as you know I believe God is a Black trans woman, tu-huh) gave me some cute arms, and nice back, and dare I say a light bulb smile. But She knew if She gave me ass, I would be insufferable. Baby, people with asses are insufferable! There, I said it!
Think of someone you know with ass. Just stomping around with all that good jiggle jiggle. Cocky, aren’t they?! And if you’re the one with ass, I’m talking about you, love! Maybe I’m just jealous, but that’s what it feels like! Y’all be so bragadoecious! Yeah babe, I said BRAG-A-DOE-CIOUS! Which means to BRAG at A DOECIOUS level! I’ve lost the reigns of this post. I’m not jealous—cuz jealous means I don’t want you to have it. I’m envious. Which means I want you to have your ass, but can I have some too? In my grown Oliver Twist voice, “please sir, can I have some of that ass, cuz you don’t need all that?”
Ugh. Anyways, in the interest of being my highest, loving, compassionate self, I’m changing the narrative, and reminding myself that my little ass is indeed perfect. And so is yours! We’re human. We’re always gonna want something someone else has. Be it ass, arms, height, house, job, money. We’re going to project our fantasies of what we think it must be like to have those things. We’re going to spiral in a state of lack, thinking we won’t be whole until we have it. And our timelines, TV shows, movies, and convos support that mode of thinking. When we are trafficking in lack, we consume things to “fix". Sometimes we’ll go to destructive, even dangerous lengths to fix something that ain’t even broke. Listen, do whatever makes you feel your best. I have no regrets about my stairsteppering. I love having a goal and working towards something. Pursuing growing my ass was fun, and I made it a joyful experience. I didn’t pursue it from lack, but rather curiosity of what my body is capable of. I worked towards it in joy. In the spirit of being additive and expansive as opposed to from a space of trying to make myself worthy. We are worthy in this moment as we are. Little booties and all! Whatever that thing is you look in the mirror and complain about, today I want you to offer yourself some grace. Even if it’s just for one day. Instead of hating on it, show it some love, and see how it feels. Maybe it’ll feel forced at first, but do it all day. And if by the end of day one you like it, do it for a second. Perhaps even a third. You can always go back to hating on yourself. I don’t want you to, but you can. We are all well versed in that. We know how to do it. That muscle is strong, ain’t it? But why not take a little time to build a new muscle. Remember like anything, when we do something new, at first it’s uncomfy. It feels weird, maybe even disingenuous. But the liberation on the other side is unmatched. The freedom to let yourself be as you are is the kind of peace you can’t buy and can never be taken away from you.
Listen, Summer is coming and I wanna see all our little booties OWT and about. And if you see me, you better throw your little booty in a muthafuckin circle on sight, like a bad bish! I’ma do the same right back! And if you a big booty bish, then when you see your little booty friend you better say, “Babe, did you get a BBL cuz no way that’s all yours!” And make this face…
Little booties need love too!
My booty is a present. It’s wrapped and everything. -Unknown
Your body hears everything your mind says. Speak with kindness. -Unknown
Self love is not vanity—it’s sanity. -Katrina Mayer
My body is not an apology. - Sonya Renee Taylor
I love you! No Messy Mondays at Night this evening because I’ll be working my E! News gig covering Met Gala. You can join me in our Met Gala chat :) If you’re a paid subscriber, there’s more to come on Friday! And I’ll see everyone next week, May 12th, for Messy Mondays at Night feat.
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I have a messy kiki with comedian John-Michael Bond about male bisexuality, coming out to his parents as polyamorous, and having difficult conversations with those you love most.
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And in case you haven’t heard it yet today, you are so deeply loved. I love you.
Fabulous read!