how to identify your turn ons!
and a heaux church update...
Hi! It’s been a couple weeks since I reached out to you, and thank you for your patience and grace. I was in New York doing a workshop of my stage show heaux church. My days started at 5 or 6am and would end around 10pm if I was lucky. Lots of writing, rewriting, meetings, rehearsing, etc. It was a really important week for the process of figuring out what the show will ultimately be. The working synopsis is,
Former “Pastor’s Kid” Brandon Kyle Goodman, leads a rousing shame-free service on “the birds and the bees!” While sharing messy stories of puberty, family, and sexual-liberation, BKG tenderly reveals the parts of our humanity we struggle to love and inspires each night’s congregation to embrace a new definition of “heaux!”
We did two presentations, and both were dream audiences to share this work with. It’s got me incredibly excited for the full production in NYC this Fall! I hope to see many of you there!
After Friday’s presentation, I got to speak to some of the audience, and two ladies brought up a scene where myself and the puppets (yes there are puppets) teach the congregation about how to identify their turn ons. The ladies were excited about the learning tool offered, and said they’d never heard of it before and wanted to look it up. I had to inform them that actually, I created it. I guess the way it’s presented in the show, comes off as something from a published text. I love that this little acronym I built to help myself resonated so much and felt smart enough to be mistaken for academia. So I figured I’d share it here with you!
In the script, Pussy Puppet and Butt Hole help me give this particular sex-ed lesson. Pussy is described as a glamorous vulva with the cadence of Eartha Kitt. Butt Hole Puppet is a cute asshole whose personality is reminiscent of the muppet, Beaker.
I ask Pussy what should people know about sex? She responds, “This may be surprising coming from me darling, but sex isn’t just about genitals. It should be an exploration of pleasure!” She goes on to say, “You know some people don’t even know what turns them on.” Her line is completely inspired by our Heauxmmunity. Over the last few years of Messy Mondays, something I’m always asked about is how to figure out our turn ons and identify what brings us pleasure. As Pussy says, “sure [people] might say blow jobs, getting eaten out, a big dick, a phat juicy ass…but turn ons can be so much more.”
That’s when they introduce BEMA. If that word sounds familiar, it’s because in ancient Athens the bema was a tribunal where orators spoke to the citizens. In the context of church, bema refers to an elevated platform usually found in a synagogue. But in heaux chuch, it’s an acronym of categories to help us identify our turn ons.
Body. Environment. Mood. Accoutrements.
If someone asks for your turn ons, you can consider your BODY. Where on your body do you like to be touched, kissed, licked, sniffed.
ENVIRONMENT; the location where you like to have sex.
MOOD; what helps set the vibe for sex.
ACCOUTREMENTS; the props you need for sex.
As I say to Pussy, it feels like a lot to take in. (No pun intended) She reminds us, we don’t have to figure it all out at once. Figure it out as you go! When something turns you on, add it to one of the categories. Perhaps in your notes app!
To get the balls rolling (pun fully intended) I asked the audience to help brainstorm four examples in each category so we could expand our heauxcabulary together! Below are a few of the answers we received! I always encourage the audience to be as specific as possible. So instead of just listing a body part, tell me what you like done to that body part.
BODY:
Nipples sucked
Neck licked
Foot rubs
Armpits sniffed the licked.
ENVIRONMENT:
Clean bedroom
Elevator
Car
Rooftop (this one was so fancy to me! lol)
MOOD:
D’Angelo Playlist
Pink mood lighting
Air conditioning! (This received a lot of applause!)
Fireplace scented candle.
ACCOUTREMENTS:
Vibrator
Butt plug (any size)
Cock ring
Nipple clamps.
I hope this has your brain buzzing as you consider what you might list in these categories for yourself. Truly, open your notes app, and create a little BEMA note. Add to it as you discover. Then you can begin to share what you like with your partner(s) and create an even more pleasurable experience for yourself! Hope this little tip is helpful! (Yes that pun was also intended) Love you!
To send me questions, comments, or share a messy story please email TellMeSomethingMessy@gmail.com
Find me on Instagram or Threads
Find my book You Gotta Be You at local bookstore, Reparations Club
And in case you haven’t heard it yet today, you are so deeply loved. I love you.
Are you still doing this show or Will you be doing again? I must attend!!!