Beyoncé! Out Magazine! Queerty Nomination!
representation, visibility, and changing my career goals
Happy Black History month indeed! We have much to discuss, so shall we?!
Beyonce finally won Album of the Year! And I’m glad, because I now have a job on E! recapping the award show this season, and I did not want to have to trash that set! We were in our little conference room watching the show, and I was TENSE.
In 2017, I randomly got to attend the Grammys as a plus one, and it was the year of Lemonade. When Adele’s name was announced for Album of the Year, the Staples center was silent for a full second. A collective gag, before remembering that we needed to applaud for Adele (who was also gagged!). Now let me say, Beyonce is clearly not going to be impacted by winning or losing awards. She’s at a point in her career where she’s literally done everything. But I think celebrities and public figures can serve as a satellite. A lighthouse to those of us pursuing our dreams in whatever lane we’re in. Viola Davis once said something to the tune of, if you don’t see it, you don’t know you can be it. And there is truth to that. A child growing up is informed by what they see. If they’ve never seen someone like them embody a role, or have someone say to them “you can be that!” they’re not necessarily inclined to think they can be. It’s why you always hear me say, “representation matters.” And not in fluffy soundbite way. In a real healing and transformative way. Visibility allows people to see a version of themselves alive in the world. Thriving in the world. Gives them assurance that they can as well. One of my fave influences Cyrus Veyessi posted a beautiful video about Queer and Trans visibility echoing the same sentiments.
Whatever your feelings are about Beyoncé—whether you’re a fan or could careless— you can recognize that she is a phenomenon in her field. She is an expert of her craft. She is also a Black woman. To reach the heights she’s reached as a Black woman is miraculous. The industry, let alone the world, is not set up to support that level of success. The ways she’s had to work, not just on the craft, but on herself is likely indescribable. The experience she’s having as a human is not one I’d ever covet, but I respect. It ain’t easy to have the entire world’s eyes on you. Staying in the good graces of it. I’m reminded of the David Beckham docu-series where he describes what it was like when the world that was revering him, turned on him when they perceived he mishandled a play during a match. It’s such a reminder that fame is not fun. Staying on the public’s good side, especially in an age of social media, is a job itself. One that Beyoncé has mastered. And with all her mastering from the art to the business, not having received what is considered one of the highest honors of her field is…suspicious. And that’s obviously the polite word to use. Those who are Black, or queer, or woman, trans, indigenous, POC, know what it is. Though it’s always sobering to see that it exists at every level. That not even Beyoncé is exempt from the fuckery that happens at the intersection of race and gender. It’s been maddening to watch the shut out over the years. Decades. So last night was a little hug.
By the way, let me say, there are so many politics around awards shows. And if we wanted to get academic and heady with it, I can do that dance with the best of them. But sometimes I think it’s okay to allow yourself to sit with the easier plot points. There’s so many devastating things happening in the country and world that need actual attention and dismantling, that the Grammys and these other awards shows are a welcomed escape. Beyoncé winning is a much welcomed and needed moment of light. A catalyst for a community to come together and cheer, feel some collective joy, and hopefully be motivated to fight the real fights. Between the controversy of DEI, Black History Month, erasure of trans rights, dehumanization of immigrants, we have a long road ahead of us. So last night felt like a little rest. A little retreat. A little injection of hope.
To that, I was so grateful to hear Doechii, Chappel Roan, and Lady Gaga take the time to say some real shit. To make those of us who don’t feel safe right now, feel seen. Representation and visibility matters. Period
Now, my job on E! is to talk pop culture and keep things very light and fun. But you know I like the deep talks as well. Love, actually. So the most recent episodes of the pod, with Johnny Sibilly and Griffin Matthews, dive deep into dating after divorce, long distance relationships, and knowing when you’re ready for love! As we continue to build the pod, rating, reviewing, and subscribing helps me and the show immensely! I’m trying to get to my first 100 reviews, and right now we’re at 77! Thank you to those who have, and those who will! I’ll include some clips at the end! Speaking of visibility! Messy Mom was in Out Magazine, modeling and talking about the pod! Plus the pod is nominated for a Queerty Award! And you can vote everyday until the 25th!
Can I give you some tea, at the end of 2023 I made a conscious choice to pivot my career. I didn’t love what my industry was doing, or how they were treating writers and actors. I didn’t love how I was being treated as a Black queer artist. But I’ve learned in this life you can either complain or you can change. Not change as in “who I am” but “where I am”. Editor of Essence Magazine Caroline Wanga says it best in the clip below.
So I chose to change the where. To transform. To figure out what made me happiest and pursue that. Talking and writing about sex, identity, pop-culture, love, dating, relationships, and life is bliss. So I started this Substack, launched my podcast, and began writing my stage show Heaux Church. A little over a year later, the pod has it’s first nomination, I’m featured in Out Magazine, and I have a job on E! News. Idk who needs to hear this, but don’t give up on yourself! You might have to shift direction, think outside the box, and build your own lane. But don’t give up on yourself. Don’t stop dreaming. I believe in you, and I’m rooting for you always!
To send me questions, comments, or share a messy story please email TellMeSomethingMessy@gmail.com
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Find my book You Gotta Be You at local bookstore, Reparations Club
And in case you haven’t heard it yet today, you are so deeply loved. I love you.